A couple of days ago I blogged about a sentence one of my daughters wrote in my Mother’s Day card: “Thank you for being overly-helpful because I know you are just trying to make my life easier.” (You can read about it here.) God used this simple sentence to show me that, although I was trying to help my daughter through an extremely stressful situation, He was working in her life to mature her. She already had her situation under control. This overly-helpful mom had a small victory earlier this week! I started to write about it in a Facebook status, but it ended up being too long. So I decided to go ahead and make a short blog post about it!
Early last year my friend, Shannon, gave me a suggestion to curb the morning distress phone calls and texst that basically said, “Mom, I left my ______ at home. Can you please bring it to me?”
Being a stay-at-home-mom, these distress calls didn’t usually bother me, and I ran many rescue missions. Eventually, though, it became too much.
Shannon charges her kids $5/trip for items left at home. She said doing that cured their forgetfulness immediately. So I started doing that, too. Unless I was headed in the general direction of the school in a time-frame that worked for them, I started charging them for these trips. My kiddos got mad at me for a while, but I haven’t had to make an “emergency” 😉 trip in a long time. This left room for other opportunities for me to be “overly-helpful.”
Until this morning. My other daughter left some schoolwork at home. The subsequent plea for help came soon afterward. She wanted me to bring it to her before the bell rang for first period. I had just crawled out of bed and was not ready to rush up to the school. Never mind that I hadn’t had any coffee yet! I told her I would get it to her after I had some coffee and got dressed. This was going to put her in a major bind, because not only did she leave the homework at home–she hadn’t completed it–and it was due in second period!
After my coffee and shower, I received a text that said she figured out what she could do. My intentional delay got her super smart mind working to figure another way out of her dilemma. My purpose not to be overly-helpful allowed her to solve her own problem. Which is exactly what we, as parents, are supposed to do … instruct our kids to be independent and self-disciplined.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
As we do our part, little by little our kids do theirs. And eventually we can trust the Lord with this great promise.
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. (Proverbs 22:6)
I don’t know about you, but I need this kind of encouragement–especially as I parent my teenagers. Sometimes I just wonder–ya know? Other times, I smile with deep satisfaction.
Since this recent crisis, I realized that often I do let my children steer their own ships. Sometimes things turn out really well. Sometimes–not so much. But even then, we all learn together how things could have happened differently.
There have been many times when an unpleasant situation presented itself at school. When they were younger, if I felt it was necessary, I would contact the teacher and work it out. These days, I ask my kiddos if they want me to intervene. Almost every time they tell me no. They want to deal with it themselves.
As an overly-helpful mom, I have lots to learn about letting my kids grow and make their own way in life. But this week is a good one.
So I’m doing a little happy dance over here. For me, because I grew up a bit this week and didn’t rush to the rescue. And for my girl, who also grew up some and solved her own problem this week.
I think God is doing a little happy dance, too.
Image: Pixabay (schneeknirschen)
Amen! It’s hard though, right? Because even when you can and you even want to – it doesn’t always mean that you should! Our only Girlie is all grown up and out of the house – and still… well, just yesterday we got one of those calls… 😉
Well done Diane… for both you and your daughter !I’m sure God is doing a “happy” dance for you both as you grow in Him. As the oldest son of an “overly helpful mom”, I am thankful for her help over the years. I may not always appreciate it at times but her Godly love is invaluable to me. I agree sometimes we have to “get out of the way” of God working in someomes life. (I ask God for wisdom beferore intervening with my brother) Thank you for sharing your story here today. May God continue to richly bless you and yours in all your endeavors. Have a wonderful weekend
I love this! You are amazing and I’m more than sure that all of your hard work will show in your kids lives. A praying mommy is the most beautiful thing a woman can do for her kids. High five Ms Dianne!
Awww … Erlinda, you bless me! I was thinking about you this morning! Thanks so much for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. Love you!!
Thanks, Horace. There is something about maturity that allows us to appreciate others, isn’t there. Praying with you that you will have wisdom with your brother. Thanks for coming by, Horace!
You are a great mom, Karrilee … and mothering never ends! I still want MY mommy!
I’m right there with you friend. I can’t count the number of times my daughter has sent me a text from school asking me to bring her something. I used to feel obligated to do it because I was a stay-at-home mom. When it became a regular habit, I finally had to dish out a little tuff love and say, “No”. It was hard, but like you said it’s what we need to do so they can grow into responsible adults. Great word Dianne!
Thanks, Kelly. Even this morning, I am choosing not to rescue! It’s so hard! But necessary. Blessings to you!!
At 8 and 10, my kids are a bit younger than yours, Dianne and it’s been hard to know when to step in and help. I realised that my 10 y.o. was forgetting things at home a little too often and I finally had to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t bring it”. I like the idea of having to pay too! Teaching them responsibility starts from young. I certainly don’t want them to think I’ll be there to get them out of every bind. It’s not realistic and it certainly doesn’t help them or me. I’m so glad that we’re learning these lessons together!
Blessings on your weekend, my friend!
Thanks, Marva. Even today I had an opportunity to step in. It wasn’t a rescue per se. But it was still a place where I needed to step back. It’s still good to be helpful, though. I brought in a trash can today for one of my kiddos. That’s different than a rescue!! Hard lesson!
Dianne, I loved reading this. I have a tween and a teen and I, too, struggle with being an overly helpful mom. My daughter’s high school will not allow parents to drop items off for their kids in the office. When I went to the school to take my daughter’s running shoes to her, they said “no”. I was annoyed at first, but I came around to see the wisdom in that policy. I had been wanting to protect her from the consequence (getting marked down in p.e.) of her forgetfulness. But kids need to experience some of those natural consequences so that they can grow and mature. You did the right thing!
Thank you for linking with Grace and Truth last week. I would love to feature this post tomorrow.
I’m honored, Dawn! Parenting out kiddos so they grow is difficult! Im looking forward to enjoying them as adults, like Ruthie is!!
Dianne, your message so resonates with me! The line between helping and equipping is sometimes blury and what excellent advice and encouragement. I too have had those clarifying moments when I didn’t get a child’s message in time, and they had to lean on resourcefullness. There was always a huge growth blessing for all involved. I love your mother heart and your message…and I would love for you to share your encouragement today on #FreshMarketFriday. Your passion for motherhood and intentional parenting are so perfect for the link-up:) So glad to connect! Crystal~
Thanks, Crystal. It’s affirming when you see your parenting efforts start to show fruit! (I did hop on over to participate in your linkup!)
Oh this SO resonates with me! My “kids” are 23, 19, and 16, and I’ve found the teen years such a balancing act between “being a good Mom” and letting them make mistakes in order to grow. There’s never a dull moment in parenting, and I’m so grateful that we don’t have to do it in our own strength! (And I’m awfully glad our high school is a one-minute walk away!!) Thanks for sharing, and well done to you! Stopping by from #FreshMarketFriday 🙂
Dianne, the school teacher in me applauds your wise choices. Letting your kids take ownership of their choices and feel the weight of them will prepare them for life when they fly the coop. I know it’s tough to see them suffer now, but if will help estabilsh their resilience and resolve now.
Blessings,
Lyli