Yesterday was Mother’s Day—the day moms across America look forward to for 364 days. Breakfast in bed. Someone else to clean the kitchen. Receiving cards expressing appreciation and love. Maybe even a thoughtful gift. And what mom who tirelessly and selflessly serves her family doesn’t need it? She certainly deserves it!
I used to look forward to those things. They are wonderful and so much fun. But my kids are older teens now—with their own lives–busy and full of everything you can imagine. Good stuff, too! With all of that, what I really wanted for Mother’s Day has changed. I still enjoy some of the pampering. Honestly, though, I went into the weekend wanting something else. By the time the weekend was over, however, God showed me something even more important.
About a week ago, my kids had these plans:
- Mom, my friend has her dance recital Saturday night. We’re all going and I need to let them know if I can, so they can get a ticket for me. Pleeeeease, can I go?
- Mom, I want to go see “Civil War” with my friends from lunch.
- Mom, that big project that’s due in a couple of weeks? My group is meeting this weekend to make huge progress on it, and I have to be there.
I pulled the Mom card.
I love for my kids to support their friends and their friends’ activities. I think Captain America is awesome! And I am totally pro-project. But there will always be activities and events they can attend to support their friends. Our family enjoys an occasional trip to the theater. “Civil War” will still be around when we do. Turns out, there were others students who weren’t able to participate in project prep last weekend. And not every friend was able to make it to the recital—because it was Mother’s Day weekend. And that’s OK.
My kiddos weren’t happy—but only for a little while. When one of them was frustrated with my “not this weekend,” I shared the following verse and explained that honoring our parents and grandparents is one way we honor the Lord.
Honoring our parents and grandparents is one way we honor the Lord.Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12)
What I want these days is my kids’ time–the one thing they have the least of, or are the most reluctant to give away to Mom or Dad.
Once they got over the hump of disappointment, we shared loads of laughter, caught up on other movies we missed and had a couple of special meals. We spent some time with grandparents, and I enjoyed watching my daughters work on an art project for our home. It was a precious weekend.
When my kids were younger and required so much physical energy, I needed the physical break that Mother’s Day brought. But now that my kids are older and we have a fair to moderate amount of stress in our home, I could care less about that stuff. It’s nice, don’t get me wrong. But I want the relationship more than I want a clean kitchen!
Then I read this in one of my cards:
“Thank you for being overly-helpful because I know you are just trying to make my life easier.”
This one was under a tremendous amount of stress, and I was on mom-overdrive trying to help her through it. Although I didn’t know it at the time, she had everything under control. My “overly-helpfulness” caused her additional stress. If she hadn’t worked it out already, I could have kept her from an important growing opportunity.
God reminded me of something my mom told me time and time again. When I was struggling with a life issue that had her concerned, she said, “I trust the Lord with you, because you belong to Him.” (Occasionally, she still tells me this. Being a mom never ends!)
I need to do the same with my kids. They belong to Him.
As they stretch their wings and seek independence, I need to let them fly! Entrusting them into the Hands of the One who created them.
This is the letting go. And. It. Is. Hard!
All I really wanted for Mother’s Day was their time and happy hearts. Thankfully, I was able to enjoy just that. 🙂
But what God wanted me to experience on Mother’s Day was the confidence in Him to leave my kids in His hands and entrust them to His care.
With one daughter on the verge of getting her license–this tough lesson is coming none to soon. This lesson didn’t start this weekend. It’s one God has been drilling into my head and heart for a while. But the time to launch these kids is drawing closer than ever, and I must be ready to let them go.
My heart’s desire is for my kids to love the Lord with all their hearts, all their minds, all their souls, and all their strength–every day of their lives. This is my daily prayer for them.
But I know that they won’t feel this way every day. I didn’t. (Sometimes I still don’t.) It’s part of the growing.
But they do belong to the Lord. He is supremely trustworthy and can care for my children so much better than I can.
This year’s Mother’s Day, barely 24 hours ago, what I wanted–changed. I wanted to keep something, but God was preparing me to let it go.
Image: Pixabay (schneeknirschen, butterfly76)
Tears… Beautiful! They were God’s long before He lent them to me. Thank you for this beautiful ( but painful) message of letting go.
It’s so hard, Tammy. But I’m glad we have one another to share this difficult leg of our journey!
“I trust the Lord with you because you belong to Him.” Hard lesson. I’m still learning. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
We’re learning together!
Amazing how God teaches us lessons when we feel we might not be ready for it. I’m still at the ‘breakfast in bed’ stage, and I think I’m going to try to enjoy it as long as I can. 🙂 But soon enough, I’ll get to where you are and wonder where all the time went.
Hopefully they’ll do that for you every year! It’s so fun!! As moms, we get good at treasuring … storing these things up in our hearts … whether it’s on Mother’s Day … or an errand day. Beautiful moments to savor all along the way … Love you, Marva!! Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂
Thank you for being open to the idea of letting go. I was parented by someone who couldn’t quite manage this and it had a stunting effect on me. I am 41 and still making my way through the ill effects of her not letting go. My daughter is 9, and I already think of parenting an adult. I want her transition to adulthood to be smoother than mine was. I trust God to help us both now and down the road. Blessings to you!
It’s tough, Julie. You want what’s best for your kids. You want to protect them. But preparing them for independence means giving them more and more at home. So they are truly ready when they leave. It’s scary!!
Dianne, this is such a thoughtful post. Good job. Letting go is hard, isn’t it? My son is back from school for 2 1/2 months of summer vacation. I’m trying to let him have some measure of independence while he’s back home. I remember what it was like to go home after college.
Your post reminds me that I do entirely too much for my kids. Need to let them do more work, organizing themselves, etc. I’m probably “overly helpful” a lot of the time!
Dianne, I love this! My own girlie is 21 today (her birthday) and has been moved out for almost 2 years already… but for a handful of years before that, her job required her to work all day on Mother’s Day. Since she was my only, I had the opportunity to pout about it (and I’m sure I did a bit –especially that first year!) but then my Honey and I found a new tradition. Now that she has changed jobs, she comes along with us to celebrate but letting them grow up and do their own thing is hard… and while you still CAN be the boss of their calendars, it’s a great practice to let them go sometimes and make them stay others! I think you chose well… it sounds like they do too!
Beautiful. I have missed your words. xo
Awwww … thank you so much, Susan. I’ve missed writing. It feels like life is finally slowing down a bit! LOVE YOU!
You’re so encouraging Karrilee. I appreciate that. I know the days are coming when they won’t be here! Another friend of mine used the term “hover mother.” I don’t think I really “hover” … I do try and allow my kids as much freedom as possible. But from their perspective, I’m sure I’m way too much in their business! Thanks so much for the encouragement. Blessings to you and Happy Birthday to your daughter!
Thanks, Betsy. You know, most of the time I think I let them manage so much of their own lives–for the express purpose of their maturing. But then, when I saw that in writing, I had to take my own double-take. All a process! Love you, Sister!!
Oh gurllll I’m feelin’ ya on this one! Sheesh, the letting go is NOT for the faint of heart! Yep, when mine were small, I wanted a break SO badly, but once they reach a certain age and you know you’re time is fleeting, you begin to dig in and hold on. Which is just about the time you need to start letting go.
This was a beautiful post, girlfriend! I loved it. So much so that I’m actually going to feature it for next week’s Tuesday Talk!
I do hope you’re doing well in this transition. You and your bed fan.
…I’m still jealous over that. 😉
PS do you mind if I copy and paste your graphic for your feature next week?
Oh, you bless me, Ruthie! Thank you for wanting to share it. Feel free to use whatever you want. (This also motivates me to have something else ready for next week! ) I appreciate you so very much!! Your insight and encouragement are treasures!!
Appreciated this, Dianne. I’m learning to value the time and relationship more than the break (though that’s still essential now and then) . . . and praying that God would help me believe that He really does have their lives under control – to look at them and see in the midst of all the way I see I fail, God is developing them into His people. Thank you.
Thanks, Abi. It’s so true, that He is moving in their lives–even when (especially when) we fail. And YES to praying that would help me believe, too, that He is in control over their lives!
Hi Dianne! Beautiful post. Sounds like your Mother’s Day was such a gift. I’m with you… I’d rather have my kids’ time than anything else. Now that they’re grown, the times we spend together seem to be sparse. I’m so glad you were able to spend the day with your precious family! Good for you for pulling the “mom card.” Following you at Holly’s this week. Bless you!
Thanks, Julie. It’s a different place, for sure. But with I my two more years with them at home, I’m re-evaluating so many different things.